Here I Go (Against All I've Known)

An unfortunate thing about myself is that I'm not a fan of change. At all. When we moved the phone in my house, I was inwardly cranky about it for months, and I use the phone maybe once every week. So when I say that it's been a year of change, I want you to know how significant that is. The way I communicate with people, feel about them, and even think about them has changed. My emotions are shifting, become softer and sharper at the same time (I know, paradox). I get WEEPY. I HATE when I'm weepy! I feel like a middle-aged woman who watches chick-flicks and soap operas like a teenage boy eats food. Also, I'm having to deal with the fact that I'm leaving Alaska. I've always been so in love with everything about this place that the thought of leaving it is like losing a dear friend. The way it smells in the morning, or the crisp breeze rustles the leaves, or the rain splashes everything in the night, leaving dewdrop majesties on the plants during sunrise. And moose, and mountains, and porcupines, and wetlands, and ghetto roads that never get snow-plowed. I love it here. Really, the hardest thing isn't knowing that I need to leave it for college, because I know I'll visit back. The hardest thing is knowing that the way my life is going, I probably won't come back when I'm done with school. Which is good, because there are so many wonderful things to discover and live through. But it's still very hard. Especially when I can look outside right now, see the sun up even though it's 9 o' clock. There may be wonderful things in store for me, that will make leaving my home more than worth it, but Alaska will always be my home.

With Sincerity,
Caty