When things end, I usually get really upset and cling to any memory of the event I can get my hands on... unless it's a relationship. Oddly enough, I feel strangely free at the end of all of my amorous connections. I just like being a lone wolf, going stag, flying solo if you will. I kind of have this theory that I love romance in movies and books so much be cause I'm destined to never live that way myself. And maybe I just need to be okay with that... Maybe I am? At any rate, I don't have a great track record, and I'm ready to take a long break from trying to leap those hurdles. I'm hoping it'll be a good opportunity to do some soul-searching and get closer to God again.
I've been getting farther and farther away from Him and I'm pretty sure that's why my life has been rather lackluster in the spirit & soul department lately. I need to fix it, so here's hoping.
Sorry to lay a ton of bricks on you, but it had to be done.
Have a better day than me,
Love,
Caty
Showing posts with label angst. Show all posts
Showing posts with label angst. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
A Haiku and Some Free Verse With Your Insomnia?
Why does the desire to write
Always spring from pain?
At least it does in my life.
Longing, losing, loneliness, claustrophobia.
From where does this last condition arise?
The first three, all in a similar vein, all with a striking hollow sound, all with tall and solemn "L"s leading the way.
But the last of these, with a letter to match my name and a full and vibrant sting that you just love to hate, is assuredly the worst of all.
Longing:
To desire with all of one's heart
So that all you can hear when he goes by is the throbbing of your own cardiovascular muscles
And how loud and annoying your own voice becomes.
Losing:
To be empty.
Your arms and legs are voids that ache to be filled but cannot be,
Because he is gone.
Loneliness:
To resign.
The heart is almost repaired; the sun feels so new on your face and you can almost taste it's golden beams,
But you know what you are missing.
Claustrophobia:
To die a little
For every hug, every kiss you receive,
Knowing that you must sentence someone to turmoil.
Fuck this, I want to be the crazy cat lady (if my heart would just let me).
Always spring from pain?
At least it does in my life.
Longing, losing, loneliness, claustrophobia.
From where does this last condition arise?
The first three, all in a similar vein, all with a striking hollow sound, all with tall and solemn "L"s leading the way.
But the last of these, with a letter to match my name and a full and vibrant sting that you just love to hate, is assuredly the worst of all.
Longing:
To desire with all of one's heart
So that all you can hear when he goes by is the throbbing of your own cardiovascular muscles
And how loud and annoying your own voice becomes.
Losing:
To be empty.
Your arms and legs are voids that ache to be filled but cannot be,
Because he is gone.
Loneliness:
To resign.
The heart is almost repaired; the sun feels so new on your face and you can almost taste it's golden beams,
But you know what you are missing.
Claustrophobia:
To die a little
For every hug, every kiss you receive,
Knowing that you must sentence someone to turmoil.
Fuck this, I want to be the crazy cat lady (if my heart would just let me).
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